Today, i’ve realised and learned something about ppl around me. sometimes it’s not always nice to have the emotions and feelings back, cos it’ll never be the same. just as the saying goes ‘time can heal everything’, but it also changes the behaviour of the ppl.
It’s not like i din make an effort to reclaim it back, but the changes are so drastically that i see there’s no point in making the amendment. i left them when we’re just minors and now after so many years of separation, we finally met.
The feeling of excitement was not there but just responsibility to carry it out. for some, i never knew we were together from the beginning and there’re some which has something personal against me.
There’s always a saying that ‘cherish the things closest before they’re gone’ but not in my case. i’ve never miss them after leaving them till now. i think maybe bcos we’re just minor those days and we do not know much about wat the others are doing. now that we’re all grown-up, each has their own characteristics way different from when we’re just brats in those days.
I won’t use the term ‘friends’ for there so much thing i do know about them. but thank God, they still admit otherwise. i dun wanna lie and pretend that we are ‘friends’ for there is such a big gap in our growing up and learning process. i can’t use the past as the base of being ‘friends’. basically, it’s all about the past. and 1 day, the past will have to forgone for now is the present and the future we have to look forward to.
It’s just like the great time that i had wit them in memory has all been wiped out. but then, they were able to remember wat i’ve done. i’m not saying that i forgot them intentionally but the memory just doesn’t comes back to me anymore. all has been gone wit the wind.
Criticise me or hate me for wat i’ve said, cos i dun pretend. trying to get something back that i’ve lost is not as nice as i think. for me in the end, life goes wit or without them.
I cherish the frens that i have now. we go thru the ups and downs together and we learned so much. frens that i thank God for letting me to know them who bring hopes and encouragement into my life. but i never go thru wit them these things in life wit whom i’ve just met. for they were never there when i needed them so much.
I think honesty plays an important part here now. i seriously think there’s no way i can be close to them like when we’re minors unless we start all over again from square one and this takes time. if we start all over again, then maybe the term ‘friends’ will be back. for now, it’s just ‘ex-classmates’ and nothing more. the feeling of ‘losing a friend’ is not there for me to appreciate, that’s all.
cheers…
